


Of Dating and DXM

by saya4haji



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Why Spencer is so smart?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:02:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28050606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saya4haji/pseuds/saya4haji
Summary: Morgan is teasing Reid about how to pick up women. Then a stunning woman with Asian features stalks into the bar exuding sex appeal. Who has more game? Morgan or Spencer?
Relationships: Fake Daisy Johnson/Spencer Reid
Comments: 8
Kudos: 84





	Of Dating and DXM

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Rhino (RhinoMouse)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RhinoMouse/gifts).



> A quirky little thing that came to me when I was thinking about how smart Spencer is.

The BAU team sits at the back of the bar. Laughter bubbles freely amongst the group (well, except for Hotch but his lips definitely twitch in amusement).

“You have to get out there pretty boy. Take my advice, go talk to one of these fine ladies, bust a move, get some digits,” Morgan advises Spencer.

Spencer shifts uncomfortably, “Studies show that the majority of long-term relationships are instigated from introductions through friends and colleagues rather than through encounters with strangers in recreational establishments. In fact, the consumption of alcohol which correlates with decreased inhibitions often leads to poor choices. Counterproductive in the extreme to finding a potential life partner.”

Garcia chuckles quietly at Reid’s adorable ramble while Morgan rolls his eyes in exasperation before taking a long pull on his beer.

Emily smiles coquettishly, “Nobody said anything about a potential life partner Reid. We’re here to have fun, maybe even make some poor life choices.”

Emily lifts a tumbler of Scotch and sips it seductively while making definite sex eyes at a tall handsome man leaning against the bar. The poor idiot almost topples from the bar at Emily’s lascivious interest.

JJ elbows her friend, breaking her eye contact, “Oh my God Emily, you are shameless!”

Garcia laughs energetically, “Oh no Emily, I don’t think he is for you. If a little eye sex makes him stumble, then you would eat him alive.”

“That would be the idea,” Emily grumbles.

Reid blushes while Morgan offers a lascivious grin of his own and fist bumps Emily.

Hotch remains stoically silent.

Suddenly, Derek’s eyes snap to the dance floor where a short, athletically built woman with Asian features and dark hair has prowled to the centre. Her movements are sensual, her presence magnetic. Other dancers move out of her way as though sensing a threat in their midst.

The woman proceeds to dance alone to the beating music. Her hands move across her form accentuating her figure which is painted in stark relief beneath tight black leather pants and a leather jacket that is unzipped enough to hint that there is nothing beneath it but tan skin.

“Damn chocolate thunder, I think Zeus has sent an Aphrodite to match your Ares,” Garcia whispers breathlessly.

“More like Artemis of Athena,” Reid mumbles as he eyes the sensual dancer from beneath the curtain of his floppy hair.

“What makes you say that Reid? You know the goddess?” Morgan asks as he leans across the table towards Reid while keeping the aforementioned goddess in his peripheral vision.

Reid blushes and shrugs, “No. She just seems…confident. Maybe she would be the one to eat you Morgan.”

Morgan guffaws before turning to analyse his quarry. The team’s entire attention focuses on the dancing woman who is turning away one suiter after another with barely a word.

Hotch hums, “She moves well but there is something…” he trails off.

“…Predatory,” Emily finishes for Hotch.

Hotch nods minutely and the rest of the team focuses on the woman.

Breaking the silence, Morgan slaps the table.

“To hell with this, watch and learn pretty boy. I’ll show you how it’s done.”

Spencer chokes on a reply as Morgan stands and shuffles out of the table.

“You go doll-face!” Garcia crows in support as Emily and JJ wolf whistle and holler.

Derek strides across the bar to the dance floor like a lion stalking his territory. The crowd parts for him and the moment his foot hits the dancefloor he transforms into six feet of sensual energy. His hips roll and his ripped abs press against his shirt. Gradually, like a predator taking its time, he stalks towards the beautiful Asian dancer.

As the music pounds he matches his movements to hers and between one breath and the next they go from being two separate dancers to being two people grinding and twisting in time to each other, their movements a metaphor for every deviant and erotic act they could potentially do to each other.

JJ reaches across the table to press Garcia’s mouth closed, “You’re drooling Pen.”

JJ and Emily giggle as Penelope snaps her jaw shut and fans herself dramatically, “Look at that man move. Never mind Ares, he is Eros.”

Hotch sighs in exasperation and throws a look to Reid who rolls his eyes in mock commiseration.

“Yes ladies, his technique seems to be well practiced,” Reid dryly responds as he hunches forward to sip his beer with a grimace.

The song ends and shifts into another. Derek leans down to the woman and they exchange words. Derek nods and returns to dancing. After a moment it becomes obvious, his dancing is moving him towards the edge of the dance floor and back towards the booths.

Emily snorts, “Did he just get shot down?”

Derek strides to the table and slumps into the seat beside Garcia with a tired groan.

“What happened my mocha Spartan?” Garcia enquires with barely restrained curiosity.

Derek shrugs with false carelessness, “She said she wasn’t interested. She’s just here to dance.”

“Oh, my prince charming! Here, have another drink. There are plenty of other ladies here who would love your company,” Garcia commiserates.

Morgan takes his drink with a small smile, “Thank you baby girl.”

Reid can’t help but smile, “So even Derek Morgan gets knocked back from time to time. Maybe you should have taken my advice on women and relationships instead of trying to give it to me.”

Derek skewers Spencer with a hard look, “At this table kid, I am the Casanova, so if there is any advice to be heeded on women, its mine. Besides, the pretty lady over there is probably gay or just out of a long-term relationship. Even a master like myself must bow to circumstance sometimes. It’s not like you could do any better.”

Reid’s jaw tenses and a stubborn glint enters his eyes, “We’ll see.”

Reid stands and awkwardly stumbles across JJ and Emily to get out of the booth.

“Hey, Reid, don’t let him rile you!” JJ tries to placate.

“Ah let him go JJ. If nothing else, watching his clumsy attempt should be funny,” Derek grunts.

Spencer walks hesitantly across the bar and awkwardly excuses himself as he pushes through the dancers with little grace.

Spencer reaches the small dancer and ducks forward to meet her eyes, “Hi Daisy.”

Daisy Johnson smiles in reply.

Clumsily and with excessive hand gestures Reid asks, “Is this a social visit or business?”

Daisy smiles and dances closer to Reid who stands stock still.

“Social. I am just passing through Spencer. I was on a mission near here and just thought I would check in,” Daisy answers with a shrug.

Spencer nods as though this is the answer he expects, “Cool. Can I get you a drink? We can chat at a table.”

Daisy laughs easily, “I take it you are pranking your team. Or at least the meathead who tried to so clumsily pick me up?”

Reid blushes and fidgets, “Sort of. They were hassling me about my ineptitude with women again, I figure being able to give the appearance of being more successful at speaking to you would get them off my back.”

Reid shrugs, uncomfortable and embarrassed.

Daisy’s eyes darken in protective zeal as she hears that Spencer’s team has been hassling him, no matter how good natured.

With a determined and sly smile Daisy slinks forward to take Spencer’s hand, “Well then, let’s give them a show.”

Saying this, Daisy begins trailing a surprised Spencer to a high table off to the side of the dance floor. She waves down a tired server and with the exchange of a wad of cash has two drinks ordered and delivered in no time.

Daisy leans across the table, her body language carnal and telegraphing obvious interest.

“Holy shit!” Morgan whisper cries back at the table.

Emily’s eyebrows are in her hairline, “I did not think he had it in him.”

Hotch and JJ are looking concerned, as though they are seeing their youngest child swooped away.

Garcia merely cackles and leans forward to watch the delicious scene unfold. This night to her is even better than watching Korean soap operas.

Daisy smiles engagingly and trails a hand suggestively across Reid’s long fingers, “Your team seems suitably surprised. Keep talking Reid. You have to sell it.”

Reid hunches forward and tries to prevent himself from seizing up. He sips his beer and idly plays with Daisy’s hands in return, cataloguing the new little scars and fading bruises.

“I am assuming you were dealing with the Hydra cell that got outed yesterday in the Capitol?” Reid enquires.

Daisy looks up through long lashes and smiles demurely as though Reid has said something deliciously dirty.

“You know I can neither confirm nor deny that Reid,” she replies teasingly.

Reid snorts. “I can take that as a yes then. So how is everyone in SHIELD? How goes the inhuman integration project?”

Daisy offers a slightly more realistic smile, “Everyone is fine. Fitzsimmons were excited when I told them I would check in on you. They appreciated the notes you offered on their last project – whatever it was. Inhuman integration is going. Slowly but surely. How are you finding the Feds?”

Spencer tilts his head from side to side, “It’s different, but I feel connected here. The team tease but it’s light-hearted and almost…familial. The work isn’t particularly difficult, but it is fulfilling. Every now and then it catches me off guard. Predicting people is still my biggest weakness.”

Daisy nods, “I am glad you have found your place Spencer. Even if it isn’t how I would have liked it to happen.”

Spencer tenses slightly, “Let’s not argue about this again Daisy. You found peace with your inhuman gifts. I just found a way to make mine more manageable. The team think I have three PhD’s and I am still able to consult with SHIELD. I know not everyone gets my choices but this way I can connect with people, I’m not consumed by my abilities.”

Daisy snorts, “Garcia is a good hacker, but the fact she has never discovered your other PhD’s has always made me think she is sloppy.”

Spencer frowns in a burst of defensive anger, “To have anymore doctorates at my apparent age would push the boundaries of believability, even for someone of my supposed genius and accelerated education. Garcia can’t be blamed for not finding something she doesn’t know to look for. Besides, I am sure Skyenet has hidden them well.”

Daisy smiles widely now, “You’re being adorably protective and defensive Spencer. This team really is yours now. I am glad you have that.”

Spencer ducks his head in embarrassment and casts his eyes back to his team who are watching him with varying expressions of shock and awe, “They’re worth it. I finally feel like I can connect with people while doing some good without the pressure of the world on my shoulders.”

Daisy’s mouth turns down sourly, “It only takes guzzling DXM cough syrup daily to suppress your Inhuman gift of intelligence.”

Spencer shoots Daisy a harsh look, “I am still plenty smart enough. Let it go Daisy.”

Daisy draws a harsh breath in through her nose and blows it out as she consciously dredges up the calm she needs to rein in her temper and instinctual anger at Inhuman’s who try to change who and what they are meant to be, “Sorry. I am glad you have found your own balance. Look, I should go, but let’s give you’re team something to really talk about.”

Spencer looks at Daisy hesitantly, “What do you mean?”

Daisy smiles with too many teeth and pulls a sharpie from her skin-tight leather pants, “Give me your arm, I am going to write my number on it.”

Spencer looks even more confused, “I have your number already Daisy. Or at least your contact number at S.H.I.E.L.D.”

Daisy rolls her eyes as her hand snaps forward with the rapidity of a striking snake to grasp Spencer’s arm and roll up his shirt sleeve.

“You are super smart but still so adorably innocent. Your team doesn’t know that Spencer. If you go back to the meat head with the hot chick’s number on your arm then that should keep them off your back for a while.”

Spencer blushes, “Ah. That makes sense. Go easy on Morgan. He might come off as the typical jock but its mostly an act and protective bravado. He’s a good guy and quite intelligent.”

Daisy rolls her eyes at Spencer’s instinctive protectiveness of his team as she finishes scribbling her name and digits along with a large x.

Spencer gazes at the digits in dark ink, “Thanks Daisy.”

Daisy stands and smiles, “I’m glad you’re well Spencer. See you around.”

Spencer nods happily, “Bye.”

He turns to head away but pauses as Daisy calls his name again, “Oh Spencer, one other thing.”

Spencer turns to ask what Daisy needs but is caught off guard when the small woman pulls him down by his skinny tie and her burning hot lips meet his.

Spencer’s inhuman mind stalls. Considering he is one of the smartest people in the world, DXM or no, that is saying something.

It seems Daisy kisses like she does everything else. She pours all her energy and being into it. Her lips are pillowy soft but strong, her tongue invades Spencer’s mouth and coaxes until, without conscious thought, he is responding in kind. Her strong hands tangle through his long hair and he rests his hands on her curvy waist.

As quickly as it begins, it is over. Daisy pulls back with pupils blown wide and a cocky half smile, “Well that was fun.” Daisy casts a covert look over the stupefied geniuses shoulder and her grin widens, “And it seems to have really put the cat amongst your BAU pigeons. That little display should lay to rest any teasing about your ability with women for a while. Call me Spence.”

Like the whirlwind she is, Daisy spins on her heal and merrily breezes out of the club.

Spencer can feel all the blood in his body trying to redirect itself from his blazing cheeks and further south to reboot his brain.

Clearing his throat and shaking his head to dispel his daze, Spencer tries to straighten his tousled hair as he walks back towards the BAU booth.

His team watch him as though he is some strange alien creature (not entirely incorrect).

Without a word, Spencer shimmies into the booth and sips his beer.

The silence is broken by Morgan choaking out, “How? What?...What the hell was that?”

Spencer smirks, “That was me getting some digits.”

The table erupts into questions, exclamations of glee and a cacophony of noise.

Spencer smiles to himself. This is his team. This is his home.

* * *

The End.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Comments? Kudos?


End file.
